That One Time

I gotta call my daddy back

I'll hit him in a minute, I'll do this first

I think the most beautiful shit is when you can be the most honest with yourself

Like that's when you, I think that's when you the most free, when you can be vulnerable

And allow yourself to not be perfect, ya dig?

Just be human and shit

Yeah

That's the work I've been doing anyway

Ya gotta dig deep in that shit

It's taken some time, but we getting there

It ain't easy though, for real

It only took one time, I came out different

I'm just like Gloria

Except my smile missing

I was experimenting

I been known **** lie, I found out, so do women

You were my one time, I came out different

My smile gone, I'm turned out

Now I can't listen to those songs

Memories come wit 'em, hard to revisit

Hard to count on love, my heart broke into a bunch of digits

In the mirror asking my inner child what I'm missing

What's wrong wit' me?

That's what's wrong wit' me

Felt x'd out by my ex's and Momma's wisdom

Saying never marry while laying next to a married ****

Knowing if my brother-in-law cheated on my sister

I'd be pissed wit' 'em

I'm such a hypocrite

I never baptized, I would've been disfellowshipped

If Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed the things I did

I'm such a hypocrite, insecurity

I never felt socially accepted or wanted physically

Got me changing, experimenting

I fell in love with her

Now I'm smiling different

Am I hurt? Turned out?

Or maybe I'm still triggered?

Never felt wanted or pretty by no ****

It only took one time, and one mo'

Two, three times, and 'fore long, we in relationship

My thoughts debating wit'

Who I am? Who I'm living for?

My parents, pastors, my demons

My fears, my nieces, my nephews, my fans

Clinging to society

Who always labeled me, but can't define me quite entirely

Tiredly, I'm overcome wit' it all

Opened my vault, found my value in my truth and my flaws

It only took one time for me to question it all

For real

You gotta look in that mirror

And ask those questions to you, and only you

'Cause you're the only one that can answer 'em

Ya know?

They call it, I think, uh

In the medical field, I think the professional term is to unblock that child

Or even unblock that trauma, or

I don't know you just gotta audit with yourself

You gotta be okay with, just being, being imperfect

Life is a process, we just going through it

Matter fact, yo where my phone at, yo

Alright, I'm done