Curtains

Always drawn so you can't see the sea of trash that I live in

Both lightbulbs out

Spots of mould on bathroom tiles

I woke up today when the department head herself

Called me and politely asked me where have I been

I've been busy being tormented by

Thoughts of self-doubt, fear, longing, and the apocalypse

A never-ending stream of what-ifs, they feel so real

It's hard to make ends meet when you've got a chronic illness

And it's hard to get it treated when you're broke

They sent me to another place

I had to fill out the forms again

And then explain the whole thing from the top

I know it's not my choice

But it's hard to escape the feeling of letting everybody down

Getting better is hard work and often makes you feel worse

I need something to make it all worthwhile

So the days fly by

It's unbearable how much I miss the warmth of the human touch

How I wish I could just walk up to you and hold you in my arms

And it would be OK

Even though we're friends I fear it might be strange

The passage of time is frightening

I wonder if I still can get started with my life

At the height of anxiety

All the things that are dear to me

Feel almost like they don't exist at all

So the years fly by

It's unbearable how much I miss the warmth of the human touch

How I wish I could just walk up to you and hold you in my arms

And there would be no shame

Life is not much fun

When it always feels like love is out of reach

Is it ever enough?

As a man you're not supposed to feel this way