A Boy and His Boat

Hey, it's Link, I'm back and I'm sailing on a ship

I'm the King of Red Lions

Yo, I don't give a shit

If there's one thing I've learned from years of saving this land

It's all I really need is a sword and shield in my hand

But look over there, that sign says "Beware"

"A giant pit no one can jump you can't fly through the air!"

You'll need a special item to get through that moat

But what do I know, right? I'm just a fucking boat

Fuck, alright, shit, okay

I can maybe pick up one or two things on my way

But as far as I'm concerned, all I need is "sword play"

Shut your fucking elf mouth and take my items, okay?

Your quest is long, and the road is tough

The path is dark, you're gonna need a shitload of stuff

No lives are spared, you better be prepared

Moblin fangs and a boomerang

And a cloth to shield that nasty wang

From Majora's mask to an empty flask

Here's what you need to complete your task

A bow and arrow, nice, and a skeleton key!

And a second place trophy from a local spelling bee?

A candle with the handle, and a single Velcro sandal

<span begin="56.699" end="58.965">Is this an old court order for a drug related scandal?</span> <span ttm:role="x-bg"><span begin="58.698" end="59.066">(No...)</span></span>

Hey boat, all these items hurt my back, its a lot

Pop a Tylenol, you bitch, you've got 87 slots

<span begin="1:03.302" end="1:05.502">Here's a hammer that can break any kind of rock that it hits</span> <span ttm:role="x-bg"><span begin="1:05.444" end="1:05.873">(Oh!)</span></span>

<span begin="1:05.529" end="1:07.846">And a pair of full-size studio drum kits!</span> <span ttm:role="x-bg"><span begin="1:07.727" end="1:08.169">(Ugh!)</span></span>

A giant used Q-tip

A really small cruise ship

A parent's signature for a Disneyland school trip?

Documents that prove the moon landing was a hoax

And a legendary sacred hidden Golden Tome of Fart Jokes!

This Wind Waker lets you control the air

And this sit maker is a really comfortable reclining chair

The road is long, you must protect that schlong

Noble stallions and quake medallions

You're a bigger deal than plumbing Italians

Sour-dough, a herd of buffalo

Just a few more things and you're ready to go

Your grandma's glass eyeball

80-pounds of drywall

And every single item from the March issue of Skymall?

A vegan pasta maker

The wrestler "Undertaker"?

An odd number of crutches and a family of Quakers

A basket of muffins

A turkey with the stuffin'

A pillow that needs fluffin'?

A society of puffins

A fresh unopened box of raised-quality potato sacks

46 copies of "The Jerk" on Betamax!

It's getting kinda heavy

I don't care, here's a Chevy

And the Wacky World of Minigolf starring Eugene Levy!

Oh, my god, I absolutely cannot carry one more thing!

Don't you worry, all that's left is this single piece of string

Whoa...you see?

This is exactly why I also packed a spinal surgeon

I hate you, boat