The Simple Plot of Silent Hill 2

Dan: Hello?

Arin: Hey, Dan. We just got word from the network.

“Talking Video Games” has been renewed for a new

season, and they want you to come back to host it!

Dan: Absolutely not! It’s taken me years to emotionally

recover from the trauma that stupid show put me

through.

Arin: They’ll pay you 5 million dollars.

Dan: HELLO! And welcome to “Talking Video Games”.

Today’s topic, as always, is games with simple plots.

Please welcome our guest, James!

Arin: Hi, I’m James from Silent Hill 2. I can tell you the

plot of my games, but it’s not very simple, is that okay?

Dan: Oh god yeah…I’m so rich now. Brian, give James a beat!

Arin: Well OK, I’m James Sunderland

Let me tell you ‘bout a little foggy wonderland

Called Silent Hill, good times and thrills

A nice place to chill if you don’t mind getting killed

I was hanging at the crib just livin’ my life

When I got a lovely letter from my long-deceased wife

She died years ago from a happy fun illness

It was a good time filled with joy and chillness

I walked 30 miles to a welcoming cemetery

Met Angela who was there on the temporary

She had some nice thoughts going on in her head

Based on her father and her brother and her mom who were dead

Dan: Normally I’d be really freaked out by your weird positivity

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

But mentally I’m totally checked out

Can’t hear you through all this money

…So much cash

Arin: I made more great friends in good mental shape

Like the Wizard of Oz, but in the middle of a hellscape

Like Nice Guy Eddie, a man of good sense

Dan: What happened to him?

Arin: I had to kill him in self-defense

Dan: Oh…

Arin: I also met Maria who was like my wife Mary

She reminded me so much of my little huckleberry

‘Cept more sexually assertive and little bit spiky

Unless she was just a manifestation of my tortured psyche

‘Cause I might have killed my wife when she was weeping like a willow

Curled up like an armadillo when I smothered her with a pillow

But Maria didn’t mind, her night turned out fine

She was stabbed by Pyramid Head to death two separate times

Dan: Usually I would worry and suggest that you seek some therapy

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

But I’m busy cleaning the seats of my new yacht so just continue please

With your warm fuzzy cyclical hell story

Arin: Well I guess you wanna know how this groovy tale ends

It’s exactly how an old person smells...depends!

Sorry just a little joke because this story tends

To put me in a good mood, but seriously there are six fucking endings

Maybe I left town with a new adopted daughter

Or I drowned going down with my car in the water

Or I went with Maria where things could get sexual

Or I was actually abducted by some extraterrestrials

All I know is that the ending was extremely positive

And not just a coping psychological composite of

My mental collapse and crippling anxieties

Dan: Hey man it’s all right, why don’t you let me buy you these

Piña Coladas, the bartender’s got us

Let’s go down to my private beach and get some tostadas

Heck yeah!

Silent Hill Woman: AHHHHH!

Dan: Here we go again!