Three Kobolds in a Trenchcoat

Late one night before the tavern keeper shut his door

A wobbly gentleman came in, his footing was unsure

Moustachioed and handsome, and his clothing touched the floor

He was no man at all, he was three kobolds in a trenchcoat

One's on the bottom, strong is he

Two's in the middle carrying three

Three's pretending not to be three kobolds in a trenchcoat

One day, when a maiden was out on her nightly stroll

She got lost in the forest and was set on by a gnoll

When in there stepped a gentleman, moustachioed and tall

He was no help at all, 'cause he's three kobolds in a trenchcoat

One's on the bottom, strong is he

Two's in the middle carrying three

Three's pretending not to be three kobolds in a trenchcoat

Once there was a king who was a scourge upon his land

The citizens all wished him dead, his rule they couldn't stand

One day he just fell dead on the pavement by no hand

He happened to have died next to three kobolds in a trenchcoat

One's on the bottom, strong is he

Two's in the middle carrying three

Three's pretending not to be three kobolds in a trenchcoat

The people of the kingdom, the man's praises, they did sing

Believing that he was the one who slew their awful king

Put on his head a crown, and to the throne they did him bring

But little did they know, he was three kobolds in a trenchcoat

One's on the bottom, strong is he

Two's in the middle carrying three

Three's pretending not to be three kobolds in a trenchcoat

It didn't take them long to hate their brand-new overlord

He butchered up the tax code and put rebels to the sword

From out of his own kingdom, he was driven by the horde

The economy had been ruined by three kobolds in a trenchcoat

One's on the bottom, strong is he

Two's in the middle carrying three

Three's pretending not to be three kobolds in a trenchcoat

One, two, three

Three kobolds in a trenchcoat

And if you're wondering how I sing three-part harmony

When I am just one man without another to be seen

I'm sure the most observant of you already have gleaned

That I am not a man, I am three kobolds in a trenchcoat

One's on the bottom fiddling free

Two's in the middle keeping the beat

I'm pretending not to be three kobolds in a trenchcoat

We're pretending not to be three kobolds in a trenchcoat