Trauma Bingo

Who brought in this cynical new lingo

Which treats sex as trauma bingo?

Seduction used to be the great sensation

Now you've got to call it “predation”

What is it about sex that so displeases

The young, is it a fear of new diseases?

Or is it just too dirty for their night?

It’s only dirty if you're doing it right

Don't walk around with sticks stuck up your arses

Make passes at people who wear glasses

Once, when we were hot to get our rocks off

We’d say: "I want to see you with your socks off!”

Now you need consent for the mere intent of inviting

And preferably get it in writing

You're courting a demographic disaster

When you really should be courting each other

Asexuals struggled for the right

To stay inviolate at night

But the rest of us could struggle with a lover

Just make sure it’s not your mother

That’s the kind of love that tends to smother

It’ll take at least ten minutes to recover

If you're terrified of the judgment of the other

It's only based on envy and begrudgement

These people who poo-poo you

Want to be you or to do you

But they're super scared to fuck in case they fudge it

Swiping through the apps upon a gadget

Gazing like the gormless, how they fidget

Gulping at the gulf they fail to bridge it

Never daring to do anything illicit

They slap at a mosquito or a midget

Their fear of exploitation makes them livid

But they do have a tattoo which makes them vivid

Speaking in their cynical new lingo

Treating sex as trauma bingo