It Ain't Me

I wash my truck on Saturdays

'Cause Saturday's the day you wash your truck

And I know like automated

Operated coin machines we'll all get stuck

So, I wash it in the driveway

'Cause that's my way to save a nickel and a dime

That's when I notice Mr. Johnson

Stepping out to sneak a peek at my backside

Now Kitty Johnson, bless her heart

She tries her hardest just to be the perfect wife

Cooks breakfast, lunch, and dinner

But it ain't enough to keep him satisfied

Now I've never said a word to that poor woman

But I could see it in her eyes

If looks could kill then Kitty's got me

Hangin' like an apron on a line

But it ain't me, it ain't me

You got it right, there's something wrong

But it ain't me

No, it ain't me, it ain't me

I'm just workin' on my tan

I ain't worried 'bout your man

I understand, but damn

It ain't me

She's always talkin' 'bout me

At her ladies Bible study at the church

She puts me on the prayer list

With the terrorists and the drag queens and the pervs

Next time she comes a-knockin' at my door

To tell me I'm not lady like

I'll tell her she can kiss my ass

Or she can keep her creepy husband stuck inside

'Cause it ain't me, it ain't me

You got it right, there's something wrong

But it ain't me

No, it ain't me, it ain't me

I'm just workin' on my tan

I ain't worried 'bout your man

I understand, but damn

It ain't me

Yeah, I'm just workin' on my tan

I ain't worried 'bout your man

I get it, man, but damn

It ain't me

It ain't me

It ain't me