Everytime

Every time I clean my room, I make another mess

Every time I miss the bus, I'm late for a test

Every time I'm re-incarnated, it's in the lowest form

I leave my window open every time there is a storm

Every time I have a hangover, I have to go to work

Every time I masturbate dry, it tends to hurt

Every time I pat a dog he bites me on the hand

Every time I talk to aliens, they don't understand

Every time I skate, I get another bruise

Every time I get drunk, I vomit on my shoes

Every time I scratch, the needle jumps

Every time I drink milk, it comes out in lumps

Every time I freestyle, I just talk shit

Every time I catch the bus, there is nowhere to sit

Every time I catch a train, I'm hassled for a ticket

Every time I bat in cricket, 1st ball takes a wicket

Every time I'm drunk at a party in a toga

I pull a damn hamstring to prove I do yoga

Every time I eat, I get a pain in my chest

Every time I think it's heartburn, it's cardiac arrest

Every time I make a call, call waiting interrupts

Every time I dump a load at someone's house, it won't flush

Every time it won't flush, it stains the ceramic

If you ever see me happy it because I'm manic

Doomed to fail

Doomed to fail

Every time I give advice, it comes out wrong

Every time I get raided, my prints are on the bong

Every time I score, I get shitty leaf

I was living with the Navajo until they heard me this the chief

But every time we'd smoke a joint, I'd end up with the roach

Every time I skip sport, I get drilled by the coach

But every time I play footy, I get tackled in the dirt

And I crack another rib and it really fuckin' hurts

Every time I brush my teeth, I find another cavity

Every time I try to fly, I discover gravity

Every time I have a craving, I run out of food

Every time we spin the bottle, I'm the one who ends up nude

Every time I give a girl an orgasm, she fakes

Every time I jam it in, the condom breaks

Every time I gamble, I lose all my chips

And every time I eat all bran, I get the shits

But every time I shit, it takes about an hour

And there's never any paper, so I have to have a shower

But every time I shower the towel is already wet

And it's not wet with water but wet with cum and sweat

Every time I pluck my pubic hairs to make myself attractive

My dick gets sore and I fuck like a spastic

Every time I write a song, radio stations ban it

'Cause when you play my records in reverse, they're satanic

Worship Satan

Worship Satan

Worship Satan

Worship Satan

Worship Satan

Worship Satan

Worship Satan

Worship Satan

Every time I make a joke, people take me serious

Every time I go down on a girl, she's on her period

Every time I drive a car, a cop will pull me over

But I'll say I'm someone else and that I'm sober

Every blind date turns out to be blind

My looks are all I have and that is why I mind

Every time I have a dream, I'm at the school dance

Everyone is looking at me 'cause I don't have any pants

Every time we play piggy in the middle, I'm the pig

Every time we play tiggy, I'm the one who's it

Every time I lick toad, I get warts on my tongue

Every time I see a killer bee, it's when I'm getting stung

Every time I play scrabble, I make the word "AT"

Every wet fart, leaves a stain where I sat

Every time I fuck your mum, she wants it in the bum

And every time I'm done, it's not because I've come

Every time I crack onto a chick, I pull my sack out

Every time I try to suck my dick, I put my back out

Every time I catch a wave, I hit a coral reef

And every time I order vegetarian, I get beef

Doomed to fail (I get beef)

Doomed to fail (a chicken's not a vegetable)

Doomed to fail (I get beef)

Doomed to fail (a chicken's not a vegetable)