The Contest

I am Adolfo Pirelli

Da king of da barbers

Da barber of kings

E Buon Giorno, good day

I blow you a kiss

And I, da so famous Pirelli

I wish-a to know-a who has-a the nerve-a to say

My elixir is piss!

Who says this?

I do. I’m Mr. Sweeney Todd from Fleet Street. I have opened a bottle of Pirelli’s Elixir and I say to you, it is nothing but

An arrant fraud, concocted from piss and ink. Furthermore, Signor, I have serviced no kings, yet I wager that I can shave a

Cheek with ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank

You hear dis foolish man? Now please you will see how he will-a regret-a his-a folly!

Who’s for a free shave? Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?

Glad, as always to oblige my friends and neighbors. The fastest, smoothest shave, is the winner!

Now signorini, signori

We mix-a da lather

But first-a you gather

Around signorini, signori

You looking a man

Who have had-a da glory

To shave-a da pope

Mister Sweeney, whoever

I beg-a your pardon

You’ll probably say it was only a cardinal

NOPE!

It was-a da Pope!

To shave-a da face

To cut-a da hair

Require a grace

Require da flare

For if-a you slip

You nick da skin

You clip-a da chin

You rip-a the lip a bit beyond-a repair

To shave-a da face

Or even a part

Widout it-a smart

Require da heart

Not just-a da flash

It take-a panache

It take-a da passion for da art

To shave-a da face

To trim-a da beard

To make-a da bristle

Clean like a whistle

Dis is from early infancy

Da talent give to me by God

It take-a da skill

It take-a da brains

It take-a da will

To take-a da pains

It take-a da pace

It take-a da graaaaaaaaaaaaace

The winner—is Todd!