Otto Titsling

Otto Titsling, inventor and Kraut

Had nothing to get very worked up about

His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak

He fled to the opera at least twice a week

One night at the opera, he saw an Aida

Whose bust was so big, it would often impede her

Bug-eyed, he watched her fall into the pit

Done in by the weight of those terrible tits

Oh my God, there she blows

Aerodynamically, this girl was a mess

Otto eye-balled the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds

And he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration flood his soul

He ran back to his workshop where he futzed and futzed and futzed

For Otto Titsling had found his quest

To lift and mold the female breast

To point the small ones to the sky

To keep the big ones high and dry

Every night, he'd sweat and snort

Searching for the right support

He tried some string and paper clips

Hey, he even tried his own two lips

Well, he stitched and he slaved, he slaved and he stitched

Until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning

Otto arose from his workbench triumphant

Yes, he had invented the world's first over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder

Hooray

Exhausted but ecstatic, Otto ran out to the diva bearing the prototype in his hot little hand

Now, the diva did not wanna try the darn thing on

But, after many initial mishaps, she finally did

And the sigh of relief that issued forth from her mouth

Was so loud that it was mistaken by some to be the early onset of the Seraken Winds

Which would often roll through the Schwarzwald with a vengeance

Ah

But little did Otto know

At the moment of his greatest triumph

Lurking under the diva's bed

Was none other than the very worst of the French patent thieves

Phillip DeBrassiere

And Phil was watching the scene with a great deal of interest

Later that night, while the Brunhilda slept

Into the wardrobe, Phillip softly crept

He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore

Till he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door

Crying, "Oh my God, what joy, what bliss

I'm gonna make me a million from this

Every woman in the world will wanna buy one

I will have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan"

The result of this swindle is pointedly clear

Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?