Who's Gonna Take Me Home (The Rise and Fall of a Budding Gigolo)

Well, I arrived on time

My corduroy suit and me bottle of wine

There were women, wall to wall

It's Saturday night and I wanted them all

Everyone, woo

Sidled up for a dance

I tried a new step and fell in the plants

I told a joke about the Pope

It wasn't as funny as I would've hoped, so listen

Nobody told me she was the daughter of the mayor

I was so embarrassed, I just wished the ground would swallow me up

And accidentally my elbow hit the record player

The rock 'n' roll stopped and everybody just stared (oh no)

Who's gonna take me home?

I'm tired and I wanna go to bed (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Who's gonna take me home?

This party's gone right to my head, listen boy

I didn't worry, not me

Panic ain't in my vocabulary

Smashed beyond reproach

Suddenly, I wanted to take off my clothes

All hell broke loose

I started to take off my trousers and shoes

And so I tried to look cool

I stepped back and fell in the pool

The hostess helped me out and asked for my dismissal

I said I was sorry, but I've been under so much pressure just lately, baby

I felt as popular as a Russian guided missile

The last thing I remember, I left with a girl on a motorbike

I weighed three hundred pounds, what's wrong with that?

Who's gonna take me home?

I'm tired and I wanna go to bed (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Who's gonna take me home?

This party's gone right to my head, to my head

I woke up on the floor

Still in my suit and she told me I snored

I never felt so cheap

I had a good laugh at the size of her feet

Holy Moses, I don't like this single living

I think I'll find me a nice local girl and settle on down, now

With a home and a garden

And a nature quite forgiving

Then again maybe I'll just hang around

Who's gonna take me home?

I'm tired and I wanna go to bed, right now (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Who's gonna take me home?

This party's gone right to my head

To my head

Now who's gonna take me home?

Hey Brian, could you give me a lift 'cause I don't live too far from you, boy?

Mary, c'mon I've known you so long please give me a lift home, oh c'mon

Jim? (somebody take me sober)

Who's gonna take me?