1998 (Radio Edit)

Aw man! Put that ol' dumb horn down Hey, Jazzy Jazzy Show this boy what some real music 'posed to sound like He-he-ha! 1-2-3-4 (Don't stop the rock) Now that's a record! Now that's a record! Go Jazzy, go Jazzy, go I want to be remembered for the songs that I sing Not only for the humor, but for the knowledge I bring To broaden the horizons of others is why I rap this Enlightening minds with my lyrical tactics In life everything ain't always what it seems But people are enchanted by things that gleam You know, bright fancy cars, big yachts and mansions On the beaches of Aruba with a girlie romancin Now I'm about to tell you a very artistic fable More fun than when you first got cable The moral to be learned from this story to be told Is that everything that glitters ain't always gold On July 11th I was sittin at home Talkin to my girlfriend Geena on the telephone Flippin through the newspaper checkin the news When I saw an advertisement for a Carribean cruise It said, 'Sunny skies and romantic nights On an incredible ship' - and I got hype It said it's like the (Love Boat), baskin in the sun Promisin fun for you and for everyone I said, "That's dope! Baby, you're down?" She said, "Yeah, we could leave right now!" The very next day I put the check in the mail And one week later we were ready to sail The brochure said that the boat was large But it was nothin but a broken-down barnacle barge! And if it wasn't for my girlfriend, I wouldn'ta went Because the captain was a cross-eyed hunchback with a limp The cruise was paid for and the food was free So I said what the hell and set out to sea It didn't take long to notice something was wrong The ship was a mess and we were the only ones on it I didn't wanna panic, so I chilled for a while Till the captain pulled up to what we thought was a deserted isle We looked on to the beach and almost went bezerk We saw 300 natives with spears and grass skirts! The said, "Hung-a-dung-a-digi-dung-da-doa" I said, "Hey baby, I guess that means get off the boat" Their chief said they needed a human sacrifice I said, "Well, just take my girl - he-he - syke" I was jokin, but things got serious Their leader came out and he was curious He got in my face and his breath was the worst I said, "Hey baby, you got some mints in your purse?" His breath was stinkin with filthy brown teeth And two big crusty ashy hairy feet The worst thing, he had no toenail on his toes And a big Teradactyl bird bone in his nose I tried to reason with him, he wasn't with it He said, "Tenga-shanko," that meant 'forget it' He said, "Gunga-shang-tang-da-bong-da-boo" That meant 'tonight we're having Fresh Prince stew' Then I saw it - no, it's not The big Indiana Jones people cooking pot! I wanted to fight em, but there was no way to beat em I thought to myself, 'Where's Tarzan when you need him?' Just as they were contemplatin cookin us up We had a major struck of luck, a Navy ship pulled up The troops came off and they got us out of the pot And I said to the chief, "Yo, I get witcha, hops!" The guy that rescued us said, "I hate to tell you The captain of your ship, he had just escaped from Belview We've been following him and finally we got him We're sorry, there's no way that you can possibly get a refund" A thousand dollars and a weekend island drained But a lesson well learned, so let me explain There's a very important message that needs to be told It's that everything that glitters ain't always gold