Kids

Kids, I don't know what's wrong with these kids today

Kids, who can understand anything they say?

Kids, they are disobedient, disrespectful oafs

Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy loafers

While we're on the subject

Kids, you can talk and talk till your face is blue

Kids, but they still do just what they want to do

Why can't they be like we were

Perfect in every way?

What's the matter with kids today?

Kids, I've tried to raise you the best I could

Kids, all the things I've done were for your own good

Kids, can't you once appreciate how I've sacrificed?

Working, slaving, scrimping, saving pennies

And livin' with your father

Kids, no one knows the burden I've had to bear

And in my condition

Kids, I'm a poor, sick woman, and does he care?

Ha! Go on, go on, and kill me

That's what it's coming to

When a mother has kids like you

(Kids) All the chicken soup that I made for you

(Mama, take it easy)

(Kids) Now you throw me out like a worn out shoe

Not in front of everybody, mom

After all I haven't been such an awful son

I never sass your back or leave a ring around the bathtub

And don't I always phone you?

Kids, you can give your life to 'em night and day

Kids, then they go get married and go away

(Married, ah, who's gettin' married?)

Why did we have these children?

Better to have a pet

You know where you stand with the pet

Heel, whoa there

I never asked for nothin'

Nothin' is what you get

What's the matter with kids to-

I tried, Lou, but I failed

Oh, you didn't, mama, you didn't

Don't try to pay  me back, sonny, I forgive you

So what if you're an ingrate?

So long as you're happy

I don't wanna be happy

Don't feel guilty, just make believe I'm a old, used car

Junk me, leave me in the gutter

I'll never leave you, never

You heard him, you're a witness

I promise, Mama, I never broke a promise to my mama

Good boy

Why can't they be like Albert?

Perfect in every way

What's the matter with kids?

Yeah, what's the matter with  kids?

Nothing's the matter with kids today