Deirdre were the name of my first wife

And she really were the true love of my life

But she ran off wi' me best mate Jim and I really do miss him

'Cause we used to go Crown Green bowling Tuesday nights

Around the house I still see Deirdre's face

In the knick-knacks that she left around the place

And my heart's in disarray

So I'm flogging her stuff on eBay

Yes eBay, 'eck eBay is really ace

And there's a starting bid of a quid on the Bullseye tea towel

I got two bids in for the Ronan Keating hat

And there's two hours to go on the Fred Dibnah photo

Yes eBay's great for selling all your tat

Oh yes cocker the postage it is free

On my Deirdre's Patrick Swayze DVD

I feel like auctioning me hat

But until then I'll start

By selling all her Right Said Fred CDs

Oh believe you me I'm auctioning the lot

Please check out all the feedback I have got

I'm selling Chesney Ogs tour posters

And Backstreet Boys drink coasters

And a Bon Jovi mug that changes colour when it's hot, hot, hot

And there's a starting bid of a quid on the Bullseye tea towel

I got two bids in for the Ronan Keating hat

And there's two hours to go on the Fred Dibnah photo

Yes eBay's great for selling all your tat

I've sold the lot and I feel empty inside

And my true emotions can no longer hide

But I'll tell ye summat fer nowt

I've had a look at me Paypal account

There's two grand in there

I'm off to buy a Russian bride, come on!

And there's a starting bid of a quid on the Bullseye tea towel

I got two bids in for the Ronan Keating hat

And there's two hours to go on the Fred Dibnah photo

Yes eBay's great for selling all your tat