Redneck 12 Days of Christmas

Woo! Somebody done been to the Walmart

Man, that's just the stuff I got for Christmas

Well, you cleaned up, what'd ya get?

Five flannel shirts

Four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin' dogs

And some parts to a Mustang GT

You fool, you got gipped, there's twelve days to Christmas

I know that, I got it covered

Look over in the corner

That's yours too?

Yeah, 12-pack of Bud, eleven wrestlin' tickets, tin of Copenhagen, nine years probation

Eight table dancers, seven packs of Red Man, six cans of Spam

Five flannel shirts

Four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin' dogs

And some parts to a Mustang GT

Man, these ain't normal Christmas presents

No, they're redneck gifts

Redneck gifts?

Yeah, you know

Like if you buy your wife earrings that double as fishing lures

Or if you can burp the entire chorus of Jingle Bells

Perhaps if you think the Nutcracker is something you did off of a high dive

Or if you've ever misspelled anything in Christmas lights

Or if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus

What's wrong with that?

I didn't say anything was wrong with it, it's hard to beat

12-pack of Bud, eleven wrestlin' tickets, tin of Copenhagen, nine years probation

Eight table dancers, seven packs of Red Man, six cans of Spam

Five flannel shirts

Four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin' dogs

And some parts to a Mustang GT

Well, you know you can't really consider it a Christmas 'less you go down to the penitentiary and visit your momma

You're not listening to me, get the car key out of your ear

That's where the nine years probation comes in

I'ma do it for you again, now listen

12-pack of Bud, eleven wrestlin' tickets, tin of Copenhagen, nine years probation

Eight table dancers, seven packs of Red Man, six cans of Spam

Five flannel shirts

Four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin' dogs

And some parts to a Mustang GT

Are you crying?

No, it's just my allergies

Happy holidays, everybody