Sometimes I get scared

Is that a relatable premise?

Sometimes I'm frightened

Like recently, I was at a bar and I ordered over somebody

I didn't mean to, but there was a smaller man in front of me

You know, like 5'1"

And I ordered over him like a rainbow order

I didn't mean to, I promise I wasn't trying to be a badass

I was like, "White wine, please!"

Whatever's fresh

Pino? Pino?

Yeah, grease, not new art?

And it must have already happened to that guy earlier that night

'Cause he went from zero to furious just like that

He spun on his tiny heel

He was just like, you motherfuckers have been standing up for too long

I got afraid

And when you get afraid, the human body has no good ideas

It's all evolution, it's all fight or flight

So the first thing normally when you're afraid

Is it makes your shoulders go up

That's its brilliant idea

Have you ever noticed when you're afraid, you're like, ah-ah-ah

That's your brain going, protect the neck!

Don't let it get the neck!

We keep everything in the neck

So your shoulders go up

And then oftentimes you'll cross your arms too

Because these are your loins

Well, no, these aren't

Loin cloth is down

These aren't your loins, this is your stomach

This is you

Just learning together in a safe space

This is your stomach

But you have to protect your stomach too

'Cause if a lion swipes you on your stomach, that's a kill stroke

You'll watch your intestine just unravel like eight millimeter film

Just like -

Ah, I'm about to pass!

So you have to cross your arms, and the shoulders go up

This is a scared pose, you know?

Like, stand-up is scary

That's why you see a lot of stand-ups up here being like

So Triscuits are coming out in new flavors

Because

Sour cream and onion? How about your sour cream, huh?

What the fuck else is going on?

That's because we think you're gonna lunge at us

Somewhere in our lizard minds