If a Girl Isn't Pretty

If a girl isn't pretty

Like a Miss Atlantic City

All she gets in life is pity and a pat

Is a nose with deviation

Such a crime against the nation?

Should I throw her into jail or drown the cat?

She must shine in every detail

Like some ring you're buying retail

Be a standard size that fits a standard dress

When a girl's incidentals

Are no bigger than two lentils

Well, to me, that doesn't spell success

If a girl isn't pretty

Like a Miss Atlantic City

She should dump the stage

And try another route

Any guy who pays a quarter

For a seat just feels he oughta

See a figure that his wife can't substitute

Frumpy faces that could pause ya

To have temporary nausea

Do I have to hear a lecture such as that?

Kindly name a star who hasn't

Won a contest or a pageant

If she hasn't, she just never gets to bat

If a girl isn't pretty

If a girl isn't pretty

She should get a job

Get a weekly pay

'Cause if a girl isn't pretty

Like a Miss Atlantic City

She's a real Miss Nobody U.S.A.