Tom, Dick, or Harry

(Spoken intro)

Gentlemen, importune me no farther

For how firmly I am resolved you know;

That is, not bestow my youngest daughter

Before I have a husband for the elder

Ah, me!

(Verse)

I've made a haul in all the leading rackets

From which

Rip-roaring rich

I happen to be

And if thou wouldst attain the upper brackets

Marry me, marry me, marry me

My purse has yet to know a silver lining

Still lifeless

Is my wifeless

Family tree

But if for love unending thou art pining

Marry me, marry me, marry me

I come to thee a thoroughbred patrician

Still spraying

My decaying

Family tree

To give a social goose to thy position

Marry me, marry me, marry me

Marry me

Marry me

Marry me

Marry me

Marry me

Marry me

Marry me!

(Chorus)

I'm a maid who would marry

And will take with no qualm

Any Tom, Dick, or Harry

Any Harry, Dick, or Tom

I'm a maid mad to marry

And will take double-quick

Any Tom, Dick, or Harry

Any Tom, Harry, or Dick

I'm the man thou shouldst marry

Howdy, Pop!

Howdy, Mom!

I'm the man thou shouldst marry

Art thou Harry, Dick, or Tom?

I'm the man thou shouldst marry

Howdy, pal!

Howdy, chick!

Art thou Tom, Dick, or Harry?

Call me Tom, Harry, or Dick

I'm/She's a maid who would marry

And would no longer tarry

I'm/She's a maid who would marry

May my/her hopes not miscarry

I'm/She's a maid mad to marry

And will take double-quick

Any Tom, Dick, or Harry

Any Tom, Harry, or Dick

A dicka dick

A dicka dick

A dicka dick

A dicka dick

A dicka dick

A dicka dick

A dicka dick