Just one drink! Gonna keep it mellow

Responsible night for a polite fellow

Say hello to my friends and comrades

Don't tend to offend, so I say perhaps

Just two drinks! As a social courtesy

We can raise a glass to our past fraternity

And certainly a perfectly normal informal get together

But it's been forever since we gathered, so whatever

Just three drinks! For the sake of the old times

Proceed with tequila shots with a dish full of cold limes

The whole nine, laughing, remembering all the old lines

Never used to work, but I could give 'em another try

Just four drinks! Y'know, take the edge off

I've had a hard week, I deserve to get sauced

Pick up another round as my friends depart and

They may not stick around, but I just got started

Feel so much better than usual

I feel indisputable (Oh)

I think that I might be beautiful

Just five drinks! Fuckin' treat myself!

Pour the Dom Perignon from the back of the top shelf

Spend like God, put on airs to sell it

Crowd pretends not to care, but I know they're jealous

Just six drinks! Let slip the dogs of war!

I'm gonna start a fuckin' riot till I'm tossed out the front door

Zero to sixty, I can turn on a dime

I'm hitting bottom and I'm feeling like committing a crime

Just eight drinks! Maybe I've lost count?

I can't remember the night, what I drank, or the amount

I'm fading in and out, my very consciousness is crumbling

Sorry, was I saying something?

Twelve drinks! Strolling out of the hospital

Is it hair of the dog if you stay drunk and don't stop at all?

Another night losing it more than I can afford

Was I just feeling bored? Am I that insecure?

Feel so much better than usual

I feel indisputable (Oh)

But now I'm feeling so beautiful

Don't wake me up from this spell I'm under if I'm still breathing

I know that I will be ugly when

I feel like myself again (Oh)

But now I'm feeling so beautiful

Bottle of scotch served on the rocks with a shot of cachaca

Vodka, sake kamikaze with a handle of sherry

A cherry brandy with a Jäger chaser, champagne float

A bourbon hot toddy in a teacup of throat coat

Martini, bellini negroni, Baileys, Kahlua, Sambuca

Soju, paloma, mojito, gimlet, Frangelico, Guinness

Tequila, manhattan, a margarita old-fashioned

Dry vermouth and something I can't taste 'cause I'm so trashed

Soldiering over, I'm slower, shoulder to shoulder with no one

Stumbling, sobering, making friends with a smoker

I know I'm less than upright, losing the fight with the ground

Then someone hits the lights as they close for the night now

I try to look at heaven and I can't see the stars

A billion, trillion eyes are waking as I walk between parked cars

Metabolizing liquor while I'm losing my friends

I'm gonna hate myself tomorrow, then I'll do it again

Feel so much better than usual

I feel indisputable (Oh)

But now I'm feeling so beautiful

Don't wake me up from this spell I'm under if I'm still breathing

I know that I will be ugly when

I feel like myself again (Oh)

But now I'm feeling so beautiful

My vision is blurry, as long as I'm thirsty

Nobody can, hurt me, hurt me, hurt me