I, Pallbearer

The view outside my window changed a lot since I was a child

Like all the years we buried, vanishing forever

'Cause also grief is just love with no place to go

Like all the years we buried, this place is death

There is a thing you should know about me

I am and have always been this deeply sad man

So, I am both, laughing and crying at the same time

And still trying to discover how that could be

I'm pretty sure growing old will kill me

Slowly, but steadily, in two different ways

As I'm still the one with the saddest smile

I hate being bipolar, it's fucking awesome

The firstborn died by his own hands

My oldest friend found a rope that bore

And I know I'll definitely also not die

By staring out in the pouring rain

By staring out in the pouring rain

Nobody ever tells you that emptiness weighs most

When there's a void inside that can't be filled

'Cause it's not a single stab wound that kills me

It's a thousand paper cuts on every single day

The heart dies a slow death

And all our dreams dash fast

But I wonder if you changed your minds

The moment you knew you'd die

And I'm totally aware that my pain

Is nothing when compared to yours

But cleaning out your apartment

Was way harder than your funeral

One more psychosis then I am also finally done

'Cause the more I sleep, the less I dream

And then at night I drink and clean my gun

It's me who should be dead, not you…