I met a girl named Bertha, she said she was a flat-earther

On her way to the conference, I said, "You know that that's nonsense"

She said, "This shit is not nonsense, you don't even know

Have you heard my silence?"

I said, "What about science?"

And she said, "Science don't gimme no love"

I got talking to Linda, she was out on a bender

Flicking through Tinder, I said, "How's that working for you?"

She said, "It's not working, it's regret and embarrassment lurking

But it's late and I'm lonely and hurting

And where else can I get me some love?"

Holding on for dear life

Always the bridesmaid, but never the bride

A billion tiny islands in the ocean

All these characters I dream, variations on a theme

Variations on a theme

Variations on a theme

I met a boy called Casper

He's a worldwide traveler

Talking about ayahuasca

As he stares into his pasta

He said, "I probably shouldn't fly so much

Probably shouldn't get high so much

But I'm a lonely hedonist and my therapist says

I need to find ways to love myself"

How could I forget Brian?

Opened the floodgates without even trying

I missed my stop on that train

'Cause I got a lot of time for a grown man crying

Well, he said, "She loves me and I love him, and he loves she"

Still spinning the bottle on the topmost shelf

And looking for love like everyone else

Holding on for dear life

Always the bridesmaid, but never the bride

A billion tiny islands in the ocean

All these characters I dream, variations on a theme

Variations on a theme

Variations on a theme

Holding on for dear life

Holding on for dear life

(Like everyone else)

Holding on for dear life

(Like everyone else)

Holding on for dear life

(Like everyone else)

Holding on for dear life

(Like everyone else)

Holding on for dear life

(Like everyone else)

Holding on for dear life

(Like everyone else)

Holding on for dear life

(Like everyone else)

Holding on for dear life

(Like everyone else)

Holding on for dear life

(Like everyone else)

Holding on for dear life

Holding on for dear life