Ba-da-ba-ba

If your stupid ex sends you a text

I won't judge you if you answer it

One more drunk hookup, ha, ain't gonna hurt ya

I don't think so, at least

So you peed in inappropriate places (Whoops)

And you eat burgers when you get wasted

I won't tell the police you're a vegetarian (Unless they ask, you can't lie)

But now you're here in this bathroom

Cryin' and judgin' yourself, stop that

Here's some standup advice

From a girl who can't stand up herself

If you think that you're shitty, you're probably not

Love that outfit, where'd you get that top?

Yeah, nobody hates ya, especially me

Hakuna ma-vodka, no worries, baby

Don't think for a second you're not, like, totally worth it

Your mascara isn't runnin', your makeup's not ruined

This message was brought to you by the messin'-up queen

Sincerely, drunk me

Well, I think we should talk about me

I've done some stupid shit you wouldn't believe (Get ready)

I broke into a house one night to charge my phone, hmm (Is that even legal?)

And then I drunk dialed my ex sixty times

Yeah, honey, in one night (Hello? Are you there?)

It's called makin' mistakes, and baby, that's how you grow (Hello?)

(If this is your voicemail, can you call me back?)

Yeah, sober me has learned to look the other way

She knows all the best stories, yeah, they come from me

If you think that you're shitty, you're probably not

Love that outfit, where'd you get that top?

Yeah, nobody hates ya, especially me

Hakuna ma-vodka, no worries, baby

Don't think for a second you're not, like, totally worth it

Your mascara isn't runnin', your makeup's not ruined

This message was brought to you by the messin'-up queen

Sincerely, drunk me

Sincerely, drunk me

Okay, okay, okay

Yeah, I don't know who out there needs to hear this

Excuse me, hello, are you even listening?

If you think that you're shitty, you're probably not

Love that outfit, where'd you get that top?

Yeah, nobody hates ya, especially me

Okay, woah, I'm gonna get super deep

Don't think for a second you're not, like, totally worth it

Your mascara isn't runnin', your makeup's not ruined

This message was brought to you by the drunk, cryin'

Messin'-up, probably-should-work-on-herself queen

You know what, I'm tryin' my best and I just

I'm, I'm just not there yet

Sincerely, drunk me

Ha, nailed it

More like seriously drunk me

Who gives me wine when I'm singing?

This is a mistake

Fuck it

Rhinoceroses