Born to Be Adored

I was created in the fleshpots of Araby My mother was the Emperor's secretary My father, a notorious libertine Escaped from Sodom and Gomorrah, the cities of the plain You can read my family's rise and fall in Gibbon I was born to be adored by women Well Seth begat Clem and then Clem begat Ruth And then Ruth begat me and all hell broke loose The tribes all began to multiply and boom And, looking at their kids, no-one knew from whom The beautiful things kept springing I was born to be adored by women My hair is long, distinguished, prematurely grey I've got a mouth like Ernest Hemingway's ashtray I've fathered 103 illegitimate kids I've never met a mother I couldn't bed I love children, spiders, snakes, and anything living I was born to be adored by women Some guys can erect garden furniture That must be what God invented husbands for But if you need a milk chocolate in the shape of a man If you need a chunk of marzipan the size of Taiwan Look up the chimney, see what Santa's bringing I was born to be adored by women Well I know I'm always late since my watch got sold But I'm worth the wait, the weight in gold After God made me, they broke the mold And I've broken all the records with that old song Bold girls are so fond of singing I was born to be adored by women Well my favourite bird is the cuckoo, punk My favourite beast the funky skunk My favourite colour is the emerald green Chuck the football king goes when his beauty queen Comes to me when she's chucked him in I was born to be adored by women What I don't know about love technique You could scribble in biro on the balls of your feet I never wear underwear, I drive a dead beat Landrover In my bare feet stark naked, there's always one more river to go swim in I was born to be adored by women