Shot 'em Dead

Number one was a young girl’s dream

High school captain on the football team

And he was sweet, baby sweet

He was sweet on me

Senior year oh I wore his ring

And I was making him my everything

Till I caught him in his car

With the homecoming queen

I shot him dead

I shot him dead

I shot him dead, woo

Bang bang, bang bang

Number two was a man of the law

A million plaques hanging on his wall

His name was Rob, drove a Saab

Was a know-it-all

One day he took his little magnifying glass

And started waving it all over my past

He asked some questions

That he never should have asked so

I shot him dead

Did it again

I shot him dead, woo

Bang bang, bang bang

Number three was a guy named Fred

By now I’m sure you’ll guess how this one ends

I shot him dead

Got a taste for it

I shot him dead, woo

Bang bang, bang bang, bang bang

Number four was a girl named Jane

Her hair was red and her face was plain

We read books and we cooked

And she kept me sane

We were happy for the rest of our lives

Until the nursing home, age ninety-nine

I stole her applesauce

I thought that she’d gone blind

Nope

She shot me dead

Well fuck

She shot me dead

It was just bad luck

She shot me dead, woo

Bang bang, bang bang, bang