Goodbye Squirrel

(Be vewy vewy qwiet... we are huntin' somethin') Me and Harold Muffert were outdoors men Set in our backwoods ways Both members of the huntin' club Both active in the NRA (National Redneck Association) We scouted a location where we had no doubt We'd kill the biggest buck in the world (About a 34-pointer) Harold waited in his tree stand But all he seen was a squirrel Dang near two weeks since the season started And neither one of us was amused (HA HA HA) We had on real tree camo, high-powered ammo But no big game to shoot Then we finally saw a deer as big as a horse Harold had him in his crosshairs (Shoot him!) But that squirrel jumped off of a branch above us And landed in Harold's hair (Dang, get it out! Dang!) Harold fell off the stand, on his head he landed Like a wimp he laid there cryin Till I climbed on down, Picked him up off the ground And it didn't take us long to decide, That squirrel had to die Goodbye squirrel With black-eyed peas, You're gonna taste good to me Squirrel It's you or me, Come on out of that tree Squirrel Hey guess what, You've eaten your last nut Squirrel Me and Harold went down to the surplus store Bought a keg of dynamite Two baseball bats and a case of M-80s We were in for one heck of a fight (We'll show you!) When you're huntin' with dumb and dumber Something's surely bound to go wrong (Now be careful) And when Harold lit that real short fuse I knew it wouldn't be long When the dynamite blew, Harold's foot did too And fingers began to fly (Fly) We were barely alive When the game warden arrived And much to our surprise, That squirrel didn't die (Gosh!) Goodbye squirrel Just one more shot, You'll be in my crock pot Squirrel You'll make a lunch, You overgrown chipmunk Squirrel I'll skin ya hide, And make a hat when it's dry Squirrel (Deadgum Earl, Ronnie Milsap could shoot better than you Gimme that, I said gimme that gun Look out! Look out, duck! I think I killed somethin')