Wasted decades of my life

Chasing expectations

Like playing games with loaded dice

With growing impatience, I

Thought my worth depends on

Acceptance that I won't

That I won't receive

What's there to achieve

Been hating myself, I've

Been wasting decades of my life

And I'm ashamed of yesterday

Trying not to see I haven't changed

And I'm ashamed of yesterday

Trying not to see I haven't changed

That I haven't changed

Heaven is utopia

Hell is where we are

Heaven is utopia

Hell is where we are

29 years down the line

I am able to understand

Trapped in routines of degrading myself

For my lack of strength

I just gained another enemy

That sees all of my deficiencies

Things that I won't achieve

I can't believe

That's happy birthday to me

And I'm ashamed of yesterday

Trying not to see I haven't changed

And I'm ashamed of yesterday

Trying not to see I haven't changed

Heaven is utopia

I'm afraid of giving in

Hell is where we are

To a feeling of peace that I don't deserve

Heaven is utopia

I'm afraid of giving in

Hell is where we are

To a feeling of peace that I don't deserve