don't best know where to begin

a bar i probably shouldn't have been

she had ice-blonde hair, that much i know

followed it all the way down that rabbit hole

when she said, "kiss me," you bet i did

pinin' for her ever since

drifted all around in disbelief

it was like mardi gras meets new year's eve

talkin' hearts and tarts they wanna steal

ain't ever seen anything so surreal

was about to run, when someone yelled

"don't just stand there, introduce yourself"

i know a little bit 'bout playin' cards

and i'm an expert in drinkable art

i ain't shy or easily offended

i don't care for money, except to spend it

and alice took me to a place

then disappeared without a trace

oh, she'll be back to eat you alive

sequin dress, chanel number five

take her to town, you'll paint it red

but bring her home, as good as dead

'cause nothing makes a man go mad

like a night with her in wonderland

but you ain't dead, just dehydrated

and we got just the thing to fix you, baby

one comes on slow, one comes on fast

prairie oyster waitin', when you get back

so cheer up, baby, piss on the past

'cause you ain't the first, and you ain't the last

i bet the cat could have told it better

but that's about all i really remember

ah, asked my sister, "should i be frightened?"

said, "shits fucked up, but i kinda like it

though, begs the question, is this the end?

or you got plans to see alice again"