Big Sisters

Firstborn in my family, still had big sisters.

Hammerdancin home movie scenes taught the kid rhythm

In between softball practices in the Greens,

Crossed No Man’s Land to the elders’ disbelief.

Heard em scream for my mom to collect me like a door prize.

weekends with em would finish, I wanted more time.

They’d tickle baby fat coverin my jawline,

tried to wrestle and they’d whoop my ass like they fought crime.

Played their Jump tape from a Kris Kross show

Hip-hop struck me like Cupid’s crossbow

this is music that was soothin and offered the most safety.

Instilled love, grace, and patience since I was a baby.

Unconditional love didn’t mean infinite permission.

Told me when I fucked up, especially with women.

There were no split decisions, just an education,

And I felt the same since the age when I couldn’t say it.

Broken promises to em. Hopped in and out their lives.

Scared and disappointed em, tried to placate em with lies.

gettin caught up by my pride.

Reminded em of the grimy men who they’d survived,

As the joy’s fallin from their eyes.

Sometimes, I write songs as a way to apologize,

but must act on what I know and discuss, or it’s just a rhyme,

Like another offer to go get brunch is another line

of text in their phones, til it’s reservation time

Bree saved my life by offering up her guest room.

Tiffany hugged me, was feelin what I’d put myself through

I don’t want either one of em doin it again, too,

But they would if I needed it, even inconvenienced.

They have their own problems, I gotta deal with that.

Strong friends for whole social circles they keep intact.

The best parents, it’s apparent in the people they were raisin,

and I felt the same since the age when I couldn’t say it.