Stars

Late nights, I’m overthinking

So many bad days, I can’t wait until this weekend

Looking forward to the weekend

Group text, where we meeting?

The same spot we always linking

Lots of laughs and lots of drinking

Time is moving fast

How long will it last ‘til those thoughts creep in?

Problems piling up like dirty dishes

I let ‘em soak then they sink in

I started seeing darkness even when I wasn’t blinking

I’m surrounded, being punished by this s*** just keeps me grounded

I’m guessing there’s a balance dealing with my demons got me well rounded

I sacrifice insanity for talent

A small price to pay, I’m nothing without it

My judgment is clouded

I’m doubting everything and more, robbing myself

I’m in my head screaming, “open up the drawer”

It’s not the same as before

I’m running out of space to store my aggressions

Where I’m from they don’t believe in depression, it’s not accepted

Growing up, I had no male presence

Had to teach myself fatherly lessons to my adolescence

We were never rich but every Christmas we had presents

I wish I could go back and capture that essence of happiness

Ground me in the pits of Lazarus so I can cleanse myself of all this toxic hazardous behavior

Some like to dedicate themselves to a savior to feel safer

Haven’t had faith so I just favor fortune though I say that s*** with caution case I’m wrong

Forced into this world then have to fight to find where you belong

Watching people that I love lose the war, how long they got until they gone?

It’s real easy telling someone else to stay strong

It’s harder to apply it

A bunch of people with no guidance guiding others ‘til they triumph

Can’t rely on others so I stay reliant

A genuine soul, I’m always down when they fold

Never complaining ‘bout the burdens I hold

Had to stop reaching my hand out ‘cause they started to pull

I guess they want to see how far down I’m willing to go

Little do they know

Only 26 and I’ve probably committed every deadly sin

So if I die tonight, my afterlife is looking grim

Skull and bones, just like the reaper

The deeper I go, the cheaper my soul becomes

So all those n****s in control sold to the highest bidder

Who can make me bigger, put my bank account to seven figures

That amount would make me hire heavy hitters

Have ‘em holding poles like they were some strippers

Case I gotta get rid of a familiar n**** that just turned bitter

Keeping my receipts ‘cause I refuse to be the victim of deceit

My table lost a lot of seats since I started seeking peace

I try to cut my ties with lust for lies by treating my b*tch like a centerpiece

A walking ten-leg centipede’s a good soul but far from Genevieve

A lot of jealousy

I always wondered if you got a badge from all that insecurity

Preparing for the worst so nothing worries me

I try to find the light in others, nothing seems to work for me

Just assume they got some bad intentions when they seeking my attention

Steal the energy, my guard is always up for loss prevention

But there’s no form of protection that’s a hundred percent

Since nothing’s guaranteed, it’s better to expect than accept

Failures in my life, my mother never was proud

No academic accolade, she had nothing to brag about

Family having doubts I’d ever be s***

They wanted me to take the safe route

I decided to split to find a better fit so everyone could benefit

And look at me now, wow

Child accomplished more than his peers ever did

Got my mother walking ‘round like, “this is my kid”

It’s crazy how the script flipped from always getting whipped to being praised for taking risks

We wasn’t made to live like this

Elevate my people to a higher standard

No degrees, we never needed Stanford

Seen a lot of people taking seats for s*** I stand for

Life is poetry in motion, I’m a walking stanza

People questioning my moves, I never know the answers

I’m just going with the flow, trying not to show my hand

I’m scared like everyone else, I just compose myself

Buried in my feelings so I don’t expose myself

And I ain’t help so I don’t seem weak

If I pull back the curtain, you would see another curtain

People only know the person on the surface

Smile always plastered on my face, you wouldn’t even know if I was hurting

Try to tell myself I’m fine as a diversion

But it stopped working

It’s time to go