I actually grew up playing hockey with a deaf kid, Deaf Danny

And, uh, wasn't his real name, that'd be a little on the nose

But great guy, Deaf Danny, stay at home defenseman

For obvious reasons, can't let too much get behind you there

And, uh, it was one time we were down a goal between the second and third period

And you know how kids do this amazing thing

Where they still like fucking believe in themselves and shit?

Everyone's standing up in the room trying to pump the team up

To get that goal back

One guy stands up, he's like, "We gotta make sure we dig deep in those corners

Get those loose pucks"

And the whole team's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah"

Another guy stands up, he's like, "We gotta make sure we get more speed in the neutral zone

And cut off that trap"

We're all like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah"

Danny stands up, he goes, "Let's see how you roll with your piano player"!

And my goalie doesn't miss a beat, he goes, "Nah, Danny, that'll never work"

Just a true story

Hope Danny never listens to this album

You know, I've been doing this like twenty years

And I sort of like have stopped concerning myself with whether jokes offend people or not

And, but at the same time, I don't try to go out of my way to say something that'll ruin your night

Uh, I do try to adapt my language to be more inclusive

I'm aware there are terms you can't use anymore

Because they're, uh, problematic

You know, terms like "peanut gallery", "racist", "pow wow", "racist", "long time no see", "racist"

But sometimes, I'm just in regular conversation

And I've got an expression on the tip of my tongue

And it kinda sounds like it could be problematic

Like, I was telling my buddies that I was gung-ho for the water slides this summer

And I was like, "Can I say gung-ho? Kinda sounds like a Chinese prostitute"

Holy Christ, the old man moved!

Hey, fella, how you doing back there?

Just getting in some exercise in the middle of the show, are ya?

Can we get this guy some water wings and some one-pound weights?

He's gotta fuckin' burn some calories

Guy's so old, he's probably gotten road-head on horseback before

Don't worry about it, I'm gonna wrap this show up quick

I know you've got a haunted painting to crawl back into in the middle of the night