Screaming past my breaking point

All I feel is disjointed

Until nothing's there

Torn by what is taking place I'm cold and shaking

Staring inward at nowhere

Now that the maelstrom has moved out of sight

It seems odd but I must admit

That I miss the upheaval yet still feel relieved

To be free of it

A silence so pervasive

That it seems invasive

Makes me miss the storm that's passed

And though it comforts me

I still can clearly see

That I would not want it to last

You see I'm drawn to the chaos as much as I might

Try to claim that it isn't true

And though I may dread it I still need the silence

To pull me through

Is this dichotomy

Really what's best for me

Alternating between these extremes

Can't be sensible it seems

But what's the sense in being sensible

When it's freeing just to

Let myself exist

In all the over analyzing

And pathologizing

There's something I think I've missed

I keep assuming I'm broken and need to be fixed

Whenever anything doesn't fit

With some old preconceived notion of how I should be

But I think I'm done with it