I got a hoe from the east, I got a hoe from the west

Got a hoe that likes to jack it off and rub it in her chest

I got a bitch from the north, got a bitch from the south

Got a bitch that likes to suck it long and hold it in her mouth

I got a bitch with hair, a bitch with none

A bitch with a knife, a bitch with a gun

A bitch with ass big as a TV set

And there's a bitch over there, hey, the one I'm gonna get

But, yo, but maybe not, she might not like me, though

No sweat to a vet, I rock her sister, though

Word, I rocked the whole damn heard

Fuck 'em all and leave 'em on the curb

I got a bitch with a mink who rocks a fat gold link

Who likes to fuck me with her ass upon the kitchen sink

I got a bitch with tits, a bitch with ass

A bitch with none but, hey, I give her a pass

And I love 'em all, I love 'em crazily

And they love me back, that's why they stay with me

So if you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one, hit me

99 problems and a bitch ain't one

If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

Got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one

Got a bitch that's old, a bitch that's new

A bitch who loves velvet and the colors blue

I got a bitch that's fat, a bitch that's built

A bitch so old her titties give out powdered milk

I got a bitch who's funny, a bitch who ain't

A bitch that can sing, a bitch who can't

I got a bitch that loves fuckin' on an airplane

I even got a bitch off Soul Train

I got a bitch who rolls ragtop Benz

Long ends

I got a bitch who's broke as a bum

But she's the most fun

I got a bitch who plays piano, a bitch who don't

A bitch that dances naked, a bitch that won't

A bitch who's short, a bitch who's tall

A bitch who burns my phone out with priority calls

And I love 'em all, I love 'em crazily

And they love me back, that's why they stay with me

So if you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

Got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one, hit me

99 problems and a bitch ain't one

If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

Got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one

I got a bitch that loves the G

She'll fuck you right after she fucks me

I got a bitch that loves boats

I got a bitch who loves handcuffs and ropes

I got a bitch that's fast, a bitch that's slow

A bitch that's a virgin and a bitch that's a hoe

A bitch that lies, a bitch that's true

A bitch who's a man because your bitch is too

I got a bitch that's cool, a bitch that's hot

A bitch who loves rap, a bitch who loves rock

A bitch who's lost and one who knows where it's at

She gets up onto me and purrs like a cat

I got a bitch that runs, a bitch that walks

A bitch that yells, a bitch that talks

A bitch that's dirty, a bitch that's neat

A superfine bitch that I knocked at the swap-meet

And I love 'em all, I love 'em crazily

And they love me back, that's why they stay with me

So if you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

Got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one, hit me

99 problems and a bitch ain't one

If you're havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you, son

Got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one