My son my son is more than one

He's more than two he's less than three

He tries to talk to me

About this about that about his coat about his hat

About birds, about the weather

And he's putting words together

And he's forming little phrases

He's got little verbal phases

And he's challenging me

He's got his own personality

I tell him little boys gotta pick up their toys

And what he then said exploded my head

He said, "Dad, let me get this straight

The President of the United States

From everything I heard

Is arguably the most powerful position in the world"

He could have knocked me over with a feather

Listen to him putting those words together

That's pretty advanced noise

All I want him to do is pick up his toys

He said, "We're over in Iraq

And there's no sign of turning back

Now aren't these people dying?

On both sides pain and crying?"

Well that's a lot for a child of three

But I answered him yes, honestly

And he said, "Dad, am I out of my mind?

But the weapons of mass destruction they did not find?"

I said, "No son, no

WMD was a no-show"

And he said, "Dad, they proved that Iraq

Had nothing to do with the 9/11 attack?"

I said, "I can't argue with you

'Cause, uh, everything that you say is true"

And then from the mouth of the littlest of boys

He said, "Dad, I ain't picking up my fucking toys"

I said, "Fine, fuck it

Doesn't take a lot of brains

To see in this new world chaos reigns

If you can't make sense no more

Take off your diaper, take a shit on the floor"

Values! Values! Values!

I said, "We're getting in a sweat

What do you say we study the alphabet?"

He said, "Dad, we've been over this before"

But let's go over it one time more

He said, "Dad, you ain't no fool

Is there some kind of Presidential school?

Some kind of test or exam

To show that you're the qualified man?

I mean, from everything I hear

Let me see if I'm clear

People are voting him in

'Cause they want to socialize with him and a beer

That ain't no qualification

For a man to be leading a nation

What if you saw a guy from the bar emerging?

Would you say he'd make a fuck of a surgeon?

He's a nice guy, although no education

I'm gonna let him do my wife's brain operation

Dad, I'm gonna hold off on class

You can stick the alphabet up your ass"

Values! Values! Values!

So we're down at the playground

Running 'round safe and sound

The kids are on the slides and the swings falling down

But they're only three or two

And they fight over toys as little kids do

And when I tell my son he's gotta share

When he comes up with this all I can do is stare

He said, "I'm an isolationist, Dad

That kid made me really fucking mad

I don't need him or NATO

God chose me, it's fate, oh

Values are tough to teach the child

When the President has gone completely wild

I put my kid in his room and I lock the door

And I tell my wife I can't take it no more"

Values! Values! Values!