I Can't Do It Alone

Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Velma Kelly in an act of desperation

My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop

My sister and I were headed straight for the top

My sister and I earned a thou' a week at least, oh, yeah

But my sister is now unfortunately deceased

I know it's sad, of course, but a fact is still a fact

And now, all that remains is the remains of a perfect double act

Watch this

Now, you have to imagine it with two people

It's swell with two people

First I'd—

Then she'd—

Then we'd—

But I can't do it alone

Then she'd—

Then I'd—

Then we'd—

But I can't do it alone

She'd say, "What's your sister like?" I'd say, "Men"

She'd say, "You're the cat's meow," then we'd wow the crowd again

When she'd go—

I'd go—

We'd go—

Then those ding-dong daddies started to roar

Whistled, stomped, stamped on the floor

Yelling, screamin', beggin' for more

And we'd say, "Okay, fellas, keep your socks up 'cause you ain't seen nothin' yet"

But I simply cannot do it alone

So what do you think, huh?

Come on, you can say

I know, you're right, the first part's shit

But the second part, the second part is really nifty

Okay

She'd go—

I'd go—

And we'd go—

And then those two-bit Johnnys did it up brown

To cheer the best attraction in town

They nearly tore the balcony down

And we'd say, "Okay boys, we're goin' home, but before we go, here's a few more partin' shots"

And this, this we did in perfect unison

Now you see me going through it

You may think there's nothing to it

But I simply cannot do it alone