This is hell, this is hell

I am sorry to tell you

It never gets better or worse

But you get used to it after a spell

For heaven is hell in reverse

The bruiser spun a hula hoop

While all the barmen preen and pout

The neon "I" of nightclub flickers on and off

And finally blew out

The irritating jingle

Of the belly dancing, phony, Turkish girls

The eerie glare of ultraviolet

Perfect dental work

This is hell, I am sorry to tell you

It never gets better or worse (it never gets better or worse)

But you get used to it after a spell

For heaven is hell in reverse

The failed Don Juan in the big bow-tie

Is very sorry that he spoke

For he's mislaid his punchline

More than halfway through a very tasteless joke

The fräulein caught him peeking down her gown

He's yelling in her ear

And all at once the music stopped

As he was intimately bellowing "My dear"

This is hell, this is hell

I am sorry to tell you

It never gets better or worse (it never gets better or worse)

But you get used to it after a spell

For heaven is hell in reverse

The shirt you wore with courage

And the violent nylon suit

Reappear upon your back

And undermine the polished line you try to shoot

It's not the torment of the flames

That finally sees your flesh corrupted

It's the small humiliations

That your memory piles up

(This is hell) This is hell

(This is hell) This is hell (hell)

"My Favourite Things" are playing again and again

But it's by Julie Andrews and not by John Coltrane

Endless balmy breezes in perfect sunsets framed

Vintage wine for breakfast and naked starlets floating in Champagne

All the passions of your youth

Are tranquillised and tamed

You may think it looks familiar

Though you may know it by another name

This is hell (this is hell), this is hell (this is hell)

I am sorry to tell you

It never gets better or worse (it never gets better or worse)

But you get used to it after a spell

For heaven is hell in reverse

This is hell, this is hell