Deidre were the name of my first wife

And she really were the true love of my life

But she ran off with me best mate Jim

And I really do miss him

'cause we used go crown green bowling Tuesday nights

Around the house I still see Deidre's face

In the knick-knacks that she left around the place

And my hearts in disarray

So I'm flogging her stuff on eBay

Yes ee-by-eck eBay is really ace

And there's a starting bid of a quid

On the Bullseye tea towel

I got two bids in for the Ronan Keating hat

And there's two hours fot go

On the Fred Dibnah photo

Yes eBay's great for selling all your tat

Oh yes cocker the post it is free

On my Deidre's Patrick Swayze DVD

I feel like c'auctioning my hat

But until then I'll start

By selling all her Right Said Fred CD's

Oh, believe you me I'm auctioning the lot

Please check out all the feedback I have got

I'm selling Chesney Hawkes tour posters

And Backstreet Boys drink coasters

And a Bon Jovi mug that changes colour when it's hot, hot, hot

And there's a starting bid of a quid

On the Bullseye tea towel

I got two bids in for the Ronan Keating hat

And there's two hours fot go

On the Fred Dibnah photo

Yes eBay's great for selling all your tat

I've sold the lot and I feel empty inside

And my true emotions can no longer hide

But I'll tell thee summat for nowt

I've had a look in me PayPal account

There's two grand in there

I'm off to buy a Russian bride

Come on!

And there's a starting bid of a quid

On the Bullseye tea towel

I got two bids in for the Ronan Keating hat

And there's two hours fot go

On the Fred Dibnah photo

Yes eBay's great for selling all your tat