They ain't ready for me, you better be ready for this

Heavy story, cos in all honesty, it gets very gory

At least for Shauny, for many it won't turn heads at all

In fact, come to think about it many won't give it a second thought

I've been through trauma, haven't we all, am not special, sure!

But when my grandma died in front of me I was dead distraught

For months and months it had me questioning every thought

Where do we go when we die?

And why do we cry if they're at heaven's door?

Pain not problem for them anymore

I don't know, usually all these emotions I'd just bury deep

Forget them all, never address them, aggression I best ignore

I've got work to do, at my desk, it's nearly two a.m, it's just the norm

But cos am stressed I then resort to a whiskey, eventually four

Am thinking, is this how I should mourn? Naaah!

Probably not cos I know my fuse is very short

Gotta be careful that I don't say something am gonna regret when I talk

Between realities am torn

Got a team that I have to carry

But am not happy that I have to manage the staff to perform

Fuck it!

Time to escape

Every night I'm rhyming and baked

High as a kite when I skate, I've been up late

But am still hustling, trying to do my best for my business

Buying forty bags of weed cos am stressed but headed for richness

No common sense to question the method to get this

I've lost friends, so now I'll pretend to beg for forgiveness

Nah fuck them, they never show support

Even in Covid no one thought what if Shaun goes to court

Nah instead, I was still expected to buy presents

With no dough I won't afford to feed my son unless I can open doors

But these are life lessons, and these songs are my own reports

That's why I write my confessions every night at home before I can sleep tight

And feel my blessings inside my soul and core

There was a time that I was cold with no emotion but Jones got warm

Right before my grandad died

As he holds my hand I cried

Then he said I love you son

The only man I had to guide

Dad aside, he left when I was twelve

To be with the slag at his side

But I'm not mad, in fact I will thank him that he lied

Become a man of pride that provides

My family with a life experience that only stokes the happy side

Stopped WhatsApping my dad, it was months ago he last replied

You got a son you know, but all of a sudden am bastardised

It don't matter shit

No one understood me but my grandad did

It's obvious now that am looking back on it

I remember all

One day we went to see Dunkirk and he said that he wished he went to war

I said but then you'd be dead on the shore

He said within every man there's intention for

Killing and conflict, one of our core desires we ignore

Come to think about it, I don't think about it anymore

Until writing this song, now am feeling sad as shit

But I learned you should change ya sadness to anger so you can channel it

How can you take action when ya in the blackest pit?

The process of transferring all ya trauma, think I've mastered it

Relationships turned me to a savage quick

Break ups, have to thank for it

Spent all my time in the gym, building mass

And spitting raps with Chris

Taking turns to pass the spliff

Knew I needed more than rap and banging chicks

So did a PT course to reap rewards from helping people decrease their flaws

Seven k per month was sweet, and all I do is teach some to lads to lift

But there's still trauma below the surface, you just have to dig

Every now and then I have a moment where I, ugh

I told myself I wouldn't get sad when rapping this

Truth be told, tracks like this

Acting like a journal for the fans of this

Kinda like a therapist who listen careful

I just wish

You can take value from verses that I script

Lessons learned, trauma's automatic, see it as a gift