Hey

Don't mistake my silence for not caring

I just learned how to survive alone

I know it feel like I pull away

Right when things start getting close

You touching wounds

I learned to keep covered

Places nobody stayed long enough to heal

I been left too many times

To arrive without preparing for goodbye

You say "talk to me"

But every time I opened up before

My truth got used against me

Every heart I handed over

Came back heavier than before

False accusations on my name

Friendships changing with the seasons

People loving me with conditions

Then blaming me when I got distant

But distance…

Distance became my shelter

Silence became security

If I never let nobody fully in

Then nobody could fully destroy me

So if I seem far away

Please don't take it personal

I'm fighting memories while trying to love you

I enter every relationship

Standing near the exit

Heart halfway packed

Waiting on disappointment

Even when you holding me

Part of me still flinch

Like love got a hidden agenda

And pain just waiting on its moment again

I became distant

Not because I wanted to

But because surviving taught me to

Distant

Every broken promise built these walls

Every rejection made them taller

Distant

I got tired of bleeding for people

Who only came close enough to wound me

So I learned how to disappear

Before abandonment could reach me first

Late nights taught me things

Like how tears sound when nobody checks on you

How rejection echoes louder

When it come from people you prayed would stay

I carried expectations like chains

Trying to be enough for everybody

Till I couldn't recognize myself anymore

Smiling in public

Breaking in private

Begging God not to let bitterness become my language

Cause I don't wanna punish new love

For what old pain did to me

But healing feel dangerous

When hurt been your normal for so long

You keep asking why I overthink peace

Why I question good moments

Why I brace myself when things feel right

Cause every time life felt safe before

Something shattered right after

So now I prepare for distance

Before distance prepare for me

But Lord…

If they were sent to draw me close

Help me stop running

If this love is safe

Teach my heart how to rest again

Cause I'm tired of surviving relationships

I wanna live inside one someday

Lord help me with my distance

Help me loosen these guarded hands

Help me believe everybody ain't leaving

Help me trust what You send

Cause I don't wanna die protected

And never fully loved

Distant…

That's what pain made me

Distant…

That's how I stayed alive

But somewhere underneath these walls

There's still a soul praying

To feel safe enough

To finally let somebody in