First time was the last time I felt real.

I been chasing the first high like I'm chasing a ghost

The ghost keeps moving further — I keep giving the most

Pop another just to get back to that feeling I lost

Every time I do the math the answer's what it cost

My body learned the ritual before my brain agreed

Now the ritual is the reason now the reason is the need

I don't do it for the high no more I do it for the floor

That familiar numb below the knee — that's what I'm looking for

Chasing the ghost — it ain't coming back

Chasing the first feeling down a one-way track

Everything I sacrificed to feel it one more time

Chasing the ghost — I crossed every line

Started counting days then stopped because the count made it real

Every sober morning is a wound that won't congeal

I flushed it once — I meant it — then I found it in my coat

That version of me that flushed it, I been eulogizing most

Friends see the outside and the outside learned to pass

The inside is a crime scene covered over with the mask

I been functional and hollow — that's the cruelest kind of sick

Looks like living from a distance — up close it's just a trick

Chasing the ghost — it ain't coming back

Chasing the first feeling down a one-way track

Everything I sacrificed to feel it one more time

Chasing the ghost — I crossed every line

...still chasing...

...ain't coming back...

grey.