(Hmm)

I found out late whilst never on time

Year 7, Year 8, Year 9

Can't focus, but I don't know why

Everyone else is so organized

Anger and chaos is in my mind

Been through pain, but we all have, right?

(Ha)

(Yeah)

What did the teacher say those days?

"He's got potential, he's okay

If he tried harder to be engaged, maybe he'll be at a different stage" (yeah)

Lucky I was kinda bright and I got good grades

I was suspended a number of times, I'm not gonna lie, I was badly behaved (yeah)

Lived in Kilburn, I used to go Anson Primary School

Cricklewood times I was moving cruel

Wasn't the quick Year 6 I was tryna act cool

Templar house where they found the tool

And suttin' else got way out of hand, with something sharp and a family member

My mum prayed, "Return to sender", dad said, "We're moving up and out"

And he had no doubts, moved to Hertfordshire

Welwyn Garden City, to be specific

In school fell in love with the lyrics and English

But detention's prolific

Sitting in class I would fidget

Breaking the rules, I'm pushing the limit (yeah)

I never knew about ADHD

That went against my parent's beliefs

Christian home, Pentecostal speech

Never really got to the root of the symptoms

We were barking up the wrong tree

A diagnosis gave me hope, still thanking God, yes I still believe

Listened to Ruff Sqwad, Misty Cold

That seemed to clear that fog in my mind

Cleaned up my mental space with grime

Never on road, it was stupid fights

Random actions, useless strife

(Yeah)

GCSEs I breezed when I kinda revised

Being academic was a lifeline

I was in C Block with Mr O'Connor

Got a high grade in Public Speaking

Thinking, "That was a different Summer"

A teacher's words can break a glass ceiling

That's how I interpret that feeling

A teacher's words can shatter that glass

A word in season brings the right healing

Ended up doing well in that class

(Yeah)

But I'm still in detention every other day

I never knew about emotional dysregulation, all I knew is that I felt rage

That's why I punched (tsk) in the face

That's why we fought behind the gates

I never knew about impulse control, I was just a class clown, any time, any place (yeah)

I never knew about RSD, why a lot of things felt so peak most days

I never knew why I felt the music so deeply and why my mind would escape on the songs

I'd hyperfixate, some social interactions were a maze

Can't relegate this to a teenage phase

Got a mask on, now underneath it remains

(Yeah)

I never knew about ADHD

That went against my parent's beliefs

Christian home, Pentecostal speech

Never really got to the root of the symptoms

We were barking up the wrong tree

A diagnosis gave me hope, still thanking God, yes I still believe

Graduated from Uni of Essex with a 2:1 in English language

That's a lot of last-minute essays

And I could've got a first, that's facts

Lost out cuz I forgot one exam and because of that my whole module got capped

Tightness in my chest sprinting to the exam hall before they told me, "It's a wrap"

But when I started my graduate job is when I really saw the symptoms increase, or maybe in school, in uni

I hung around peeps that were more like me, so the traits weren't as blatant to see

But now masking was hard to achieve

Suddenly felt over-exposed to people, that don't understand or believe

Can't just put it down to a new environment

This stuff went on for years, my G, and my

Work ethic and ambition were high

Real life, I'm tryna be the best, indeed, I was

Reading books and studying videos

I'm really tryna succeed

Clients and a team, responsibility

Articulate speech and a passion to lead

But the cold hard truth is I'm getting brain fog

And at times I would freeze

On average getting four hours of sleep, every night it repeats, repeats

How do you stay on track when your mind keeps racing?

I feel like a patient, struggle with patience

Then they gave me medication

Now I can focus, symptoms are fading, but I don't feel myself

I've taken these pills for a month, prescription, can't get these off a shelf

But I feel numb when I take them, emotional bluntness

A concerted effort, I'm taking Concerta

The doses mean I'm not feeling like me

Do you know how it feels to be broken?

Medication works for some people, I know, but not for me, so I feel hopeless

And I'm going at life with all of my try, but regardless of how I approach this

My brain is my main opponent, I hate victim mentality

But in the same token, overdiagnosis doesn't mean bogus

Two things can be true so I wrote this

To remind myself to keep fighting

There are tools that I use when I'm writing

There are tools that use when I'm working

There are tools that we use when we're living

Old mindsets that I'm killing

Now I know that I'm not the villain

Yes, it was heavier when this weight it was hidden

(Yeah)

'Cause I never knew about ADHD

That went against my parent's beliefs

Christian home, Pentecostal speech

Never really got to the root of the symptoms

We were barking up the wrong tree

A diagnosis gave me hope, still thanking God, yes I still believe