The Ideal Husband

Julian, he's gonna take my files Every woman that I've slept with Every friendship I've neglected Didn't call when grandma died I spend my money getting drunk and high I've done things unprotected Proceeded to drive home wasted Bought things to win over siblings I've said awful things, such awful things And now, now it's out And now, now it's out Julian, he's gonna take my files Telling people jokes to shut them up Resenting people that I love Sleep in 'til two then doin' shit Just stay in bed and later lie 'bout it Obsessing over graying hair Knowing just what people wanna hear Binging on unearned attention I've said awful things, such awful things And now, now it's out And now, now it's out I came by at seven in the morning Seven in the morning, seven in the morning I came by at seven in the morning I said, "Baby, I'm finally succumbing!" Said something dumb like, "I'm tired of running Tired of running, tired of running!" Let's put a baby in the oven Wouldn't I make the ideal husband?