Only Human (feat. Emanny)

Mic check, mic check One two, one two New Joe Budden! Uhh Please somebody help my soul Talk to 'em (talk to 'em) I let the Man have a talk with the beast in me I'm holding onto my last bit of decency I need a vacay, a change of scenery But mama said wherever I'mma go, I'm taking me with me I told her shit is on my mind and it's been eating me She got me pissing in a cup, she don't believe in me It's not the drugs that got me out of my zone Going days without eating, in a crowd I feel alone, mama Then she ask why it seems I never sleep at night I told her when I close my eyes my brain just keeps the fight She said my friends wanna have an intervention with me I speak to niggas daily, that was never mentioned to me She told me there's a higher power and a lower power And that I'll die if I don't find the strength to overpower Then I replied, "well aren't we all"? She said "yeah, but that should be on God's terms, not yours" My every thought is scary And it makes it hard to breathe again Like I'm blinded while I'm staring in the mirror Asking God to help me see again, please help me But He tells me I'm only human And that I'll be back on my feet again, please help me But they act like I'm more than human I prove them wrong again Don't fault me I'm only human Tryin' to weather the storm I thought that black cloud was gone It's been beside me all along, not the song I wanna sit in silence, don't speak for a minute Tired of being strong, please let me be weak for a minute Kinda thought that my disease tried to kill your man first It was easy to get my hands on 30 milligram Percs, worse Can't be depression, couldn't have it this long So many secrets I only told through a glass of Patron, my nigga Speaking of secrets, that's when I got the Kaylin text Read it and cried, couldn't believe what she was saying next She said "you're going through a lot I'm hoping you ain't in the grave and dead Cause not too many people know your brain's a mess" Who knew that she was keeping track of it all? I wrote back "lol" but wasn't laughing at all I ain't tell her just the other day that that gun was in my lap Pen and pad in my hand, and I was writing a note Didn't get far, as soon as I wrote down "mom" I just stopped Couldn't lie to her, couldn't figure out how to say bye to her Couldn't explain the "why" to her Couldn't picture her getting a call or somebody saying her son had died to her And shortly after that my pastor called Which at first I kinda thought it was weird But that convo preserved me, 'bout God's grace and mercy He ain't even say goodbye, he said "let us pray" And then he went into a prayer, gripped the phone, closed my eyes Just so happy he appeared nigga shed another tear Maybe he could sense that something had the god devoured Just thankful he shed some light upon my darkest hour All my thoughts are corrupt, this shit is whack If everybody calls you a duck, will you just quack? Guess a part of me really gives a fuck, way in the back Cause when I had that burner ready to bust, I didn't clap Joe Guess I'm insanity's definition Trying to step over in sanity's repetition But I can't it got me tripping Whatever love we had was dead that night Looking back, we both needed cooler heads that night Was going off no sleep, eyes red that night While you was drunk texting me, I hope I read that right You was beefing bout Giselle, beefing bout Alexa Suddenly you was jealous, must've thought that I had sexed her I was laughing, thought it was funny Giselle's the homie, Alexa's twenty With hip withdrawals Nothing bout your story shoulda been sticking at all I wouldn't dick her at all I'm guessing, maybe you were insecure and never knew me Was there for four months, yet you said this was a new me In your head, guess the answer to this jealousy Was to turn around and try to make me jealous, B But the part that you neglect Was never mind jealousy, this was 'bout respect Y'all Instagramming pictures, trying to get me upset You turned that into a night we both would never forget We both said some things we both probably regret You was lying to my face and them dots didn't connect, but cool Only picked you up to try and talk sense into you Now I'm fucking homeboy up, just off the principle I guess he caught him self antagonizing me But he's a young nigga, that's no surprising me Shit I done fucked some of the baddest hoes I left shorty weeks ago, you can have this ho I guess the part where I lose Is now they got my face plastered all over the news, I'm being falsely accused And I don't understand, was this all part of a plan? I guess I'll tell the whole truth when on the stand How you go and tell the cops I had guns in my house? Now they got a search warrant, just to come to my house Question: were your feelings worth taking my tomorrow's, kid? And you know Jersey gun laws, I'm talking hollow tips So you can tell them niggas you roll with whatever you want But you and I know what's going on Nigga that whole night just replays in my mind Your face is fine, this is a big waste of time Let's get back to that jealousy Now you got a nigga facing three felonies All for what, cause we were no longer dealing You attack me, but I'm the villain, over a fucking iPhone and feelings Check, you never see me act like a jerk I know women will provoke you and get mad when it works Rather reserved and that always makes matters the worst Cause I go on about my business and not act like it hurts, but wait So now the whole world is watching me get burned here Which is fine, there's a lesson to be learned here Which is only fuck with strippers and the bartenders Anytime there's a pole in the bar centered So even though it's from afar now I still wish you the best, I know your heart's tender I'm sorry all, I just got my own scars to tend to Signing off, truly yours, with love, God's sinner