Can't Not

I'd be lying if I said I was completely unscathed I might be proving you right with my silence or my retaliation would I be letting you win in my non reaction? how would I explain? how would I explain this to my children if I had them? because I can't not because I can't not because I can't afford to be misread one more time would I be whining if I said I needed a hug? would you feel slighted if I said your love's not enough? how can I complain? how can I complain when i'm the one who reaches for it? because I can't not because I can't not because I cannot walk without my crutches because I can't not because I can't not because I can't help wonder why you ask me to all the unheard wisdom in the schoolyard you think you're the right ones you think you're the charmed ones i'm sure how can you go on with such conviction? and who do you think you are why do you question me? because we can't not because we can't not because we can't help laugh at underestimations because we can't not because we can't not because we can't afford to be misled one more time because we can't not because we can't not because we cannot help without your willingness why do you affect me? why do you affect me still? why do you hinder me? why do you hinder me still? why do you unnerve? why do you unnerve me still? why do you trigger me? why do you trigger me still?