December 4th

Shawn Carter was born December 4th Weighing in at ten pounds, eight ounces He was the last of my four children The only one who didn't give me any pain, when I gave birth to him And that's how I knew, that he was a special child "Hi baby, what's wrong? You look like, you've lost your best friend Tell me, is it something that I've done again? You look like, you've lost your best friend, tell me" They say they never really miss you 'til you dead or you gone So on that note I'm leavin after this song See you ain't gotta feel no way about Jay so long At least let me tell you why I'm this way, hold on I was conceived by Gloria Carter and Adnis Reeves Who made love under the sycamore tree Which makes me, a more sicker MC and my momma would claim At ten pounds when I was born I didn't give her no pain Although through the years I gave her her fair share I gave her her first real scare, I made up for birth when I got here She knows my purpose was on purpose, I ain't perfect, I care But I feel worthless cause my shirts wasn't matchin my gear Now I'm just scratchin the surface cause what's buried under there Was a kid torn apart once his pop disappeared I went to school, got good grades, could behave when I wanted But I had demons deep inside that would raise when confronted Hold on Shawn was a very shy child growing up He was into sports, and a funny story is At four, he taught himself how to ride a bike A two-wheel at that, isn't that special? But, I noticed a change in him, when me and my husband, broke up Now all the teachers couldn't reach me and my momma couldn't beat me Hard enough to match the pain of my pop not seeing me so With that disdain in my membrane Got on my pimp game, fuck the world, my defense came Then the Haven introduced me to the game Spanish Jose introduced me to 'caine; I'm a hustler now My gear is in, and I'm in the in-crowd And all the wavy light-skinned girls is lovin me now My self-esteem went through the roof, man I got my swag Got a Volvo from this girl when her man got bagged Plus I hit my momma with cash from a show that I had Supposedly - knowin nobody paid Jaz wack ass I'm gettin ahead of myself, by the way, I could rap That came second to me movin this crack Give me a second I swear, I would say about my rap career 'Til ninety-six came, niggas I'm here - goodbye! Shawn used to be in the kitchen, beating on the table and rapping And umm, into the wee hours of the morning And then I brought him a boombox And his sisters and brothers said that he would drive them nuts But, that was my way to keep him close to me, and out of trouble Goodbye to the game all the spoils, the adrenaline rush Your blood boils, you in a spot, knowin' cops could rush At you in the drop, you so easy to touch No two days are alike, except the 1st and 15th pretty much And trust, is a word you seldom hear from us Hustlers, we don't sleep, we rest one eye up And a drought could define a man when the well dries up You learn the worth of water Without work you thirst 'til you die - YUP And niggaz get tied up for product And little brothers ring fingers get cut up To show mothers they really got 'em And this is the stress I lived with 'Til I decided to try this rap shit for a livin I pray I'm forgiven - for every bad decision I made Every sister I played - cause I'm still paranoid to this day And it's nobody fault, I made the decisions I've made This is the life I chose, or rather the life that chose me If you can't respect that, your whole perspective is whack Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black If you can't respect that, your whole perspective is whack Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black Now if you can't respect that, your whole perspective is whack Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black If you can't respect that, your whole perspective is whack Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black