Champaign, Illinois

The bottom line's been snorted The bottom card's been dealt No one knows like you know right now How truly bad it felt All your life you wasted On dreamin' about the day Worker bees kill off their queen And carry all her eggs away Oh, then if you die fearin' God And painfully employed No, you will not go to Heaven You'll go to Champaign, Illinois Up north in Chicago Where booze makes no one blush Memories come back to you In a double Bourbon rush Memories that aren't all bad And neither, my friend, are you There is an argument there must be some Heaven meant For hearts that are half true Oh, and if you spend your whole life Rollin' horses into Troy No, you will not go to Heaven You'll go to Champaign, Illinois No, you will not go to Heaven You'll go to Champaign, Illinois Roll on blacktop highway Circles towards the sun Springfield's in the distance And that's the last big one After that comes judgement Oh, and judgement will be swift You will be eliminated But here's a parting gift Oh, if you die fearin' God And painfully employed No, you will not go to Heaven You'll go to Champaign, Illinois No, you will not go to Heaven You'll go to Champaign, Illinois No, you will not go to Heaven You'll go to Champaign, Illinois