The Ballad of Robert Moore and Betty Coltrane

There was a thick set man with frog eyes Who was standing at the door And a little bald man with wing-nut ears Was waiting in the car Well, Robert Moore passed the frog-eyed man As he walked into the bar And Betty Coltrane, she jumped under her table "What's your pleasure?" asked the barman He had a face like boiled meat "There's a girl called Betty Coltrane that I have come to see" "But I ain't seen that girl 'round here for more than a week" And Betty Coltrane, she hid beneath the table Well, then in came a sailor With mermaids tattooed on his arms Followed by the man with the wing-nut ears Who was waitin' in the car Well, Robert Moore sensed trouble He'd seen it comin' from afar And Betty Coltrane she gasped beneath the table Well, the sailor said "I'm looking for my wife They call her Betty Coltrane" The frog-eyed man said "That can't be That's my wife's maiden name" And the man with the wing-nut ears said "Hey, I married her back in Spain" And Betty Coltrane crossed herself beneath the table Well, Robert Moore stepped up and said "That woman is my wife" And he drew a silver pistol And a wicked bowie knife And he shot the man with the wing-nut ears straight between the eyes And Betty Coltrane, she moaned under the table Well, the frog-eyed man jumped at Robert Moore Who stabbed him in the chest And as Mister Frog-eyes died he said "Betty, you're the girl that I loved best" The sailor pulled a razor Robert blasted him to bits "And Betty, I know you're under the table" "Well, have no fear" said Robert Moore "I do not want to hurt you Never a woman did'na love me half as much as you You are the blessed sun, girl And you are the sacred moon" And Betty shot his legs out from under the table! Well, Robert Moore went down heavy With a crash upon the floor And over to his thrashin' body Betty Coltrane she did crawl She put the gun to the back of his head And pulled the trigger once more And blew his brains out all over the table Well Betty stood up and shook her head And waved the smoke away Said "I'm sorry, Mr barman To leave your place this way" As she emptied out their wallets she said "I'll collect my severance pay" And then she winked and threw a dollar on the table