Three Point One Four

My last girlfriend didn't like me Thought she might be most likely a dyke She just didn't excite me Lefty? Yeah, but that was all right She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright My mistake, she was more flaky than a leper colony I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company Ass like a donkey actin' funky Gave her L, now she's a flunky So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys Early bird gets the worm Spread your legs or spread the word So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd? I'm white, which goes with everything But I can come in any color And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy And how many girls do you know That can play the harmonica with their pussies? Like 'em easy and hot and sweet Like a Rice Krispie Treat, G You know what I really want in a girl? Me I need to find a new vagina Any kind of new vagina It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina Calvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina Women are like dog doo Hear me through, don't interrupt It's just the older that they are, the easier they get to pick up I'd fill the generation gap Clean the cobwebs from her rafters Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture No age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheese Preferably for me, fat-free American singles only I want my next chick anorexic The winner is the thinner Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner Like Sizzler She got a beef, we'll chew the fat If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap Let her lash out and crack the whip But not in bed, I don't play rough No, I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up Just independent like NOFX Smart like Janeane Garofalo She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System, G You know what I really want in a girl? Me I need to find a new vagina Any kind of new vagina It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina Kevin Kline? Kind of South Carolina Vagina Vagina Vagina Vagina Vagina Vagina Vagina Vagina