The Ad-Dressing of Cats

You've heard of several kinds of cat And my opinion now is that You should need no interpreter to understand our character You've earned enough to take the view That cats are very much like you You've seen us both at work and games And learnt about our proper names Our habits and our habitat But how would you ad-dress a cat? So first, your memory I'll jog And say a cat is not a dog Now dogs pretend they like to fight They often bark or seldom bite But yet a dog is on the whole What you would call a simple soul The usual dog about the town Is much inclined to play the clown And far from showing too much pride Is frequently undignified He's such an easy-going lout He'll answer any hail or shout! The usual dog about the town Is inclined to play the clown Again I must remind you that A dog's a dog, a cat's a cat With cats, some say one rule is true Don't speak 'til you are spoken to Myself I do not hold with that I say you should ad-dress a cat But always bear in mind that he resents familiarity You bow, and taking off your hat, ad-dress him in this form "Oh cat!" Before a cat will condescend To treat you as a trusted friend Some little token of esteem is needed, like a dish of cream And you might now and then supply Some caviar or Strasbourg pie Some potted grouse of salmon paste He's sure to have his personal taste And so in time you'll reach your aim And call him by his name So this is that, and that is that And that's how you ad-dress a cat A cat's entitled to expect these evidences of respect So this is this, and that is that And that's how you ad-dress a cat