The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

And now it's time for Silly Songs With Larry The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt Who together make up the infamous gang of scallywags The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything We are the pirates who don't do anything We just stay home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything We'll just tell you, we don't do anything! Well, I've never been to Greenland And I've never been to Denver And I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul And I've never been to Moscow And I've never been to Tampa And I've never been to Boston in the fall 'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything We just stay home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything We'll just tell you, we don't do anything And I never hoist the mainstay And I never swab the poop deck And I never veer to starboard 'cause I never sail at all And I've never walked the gangplank And I've never owned a parrot And I've never been to Boston in the fall 'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything We just stay at home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything We'll just tell you, we don't do anything Well, I've never plucked a rooster And I'm not too good at ping-pong And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall And I've never kissed a chipmunk And I've never gotten head lice And I've never been to Boston in the fall Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate? Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about piratey things! (Oh) And who's ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think? I think you look like Captain Crunch! Huh? No, I don't! Do too Do not You're making me hungry That's it, you're walkin' the plank! Says who? Says the Captain, that's who! Oh, yeah? Aye, aye, Captain Crunch! Argh! Yikes! And I've never licked a spark plug And I've never sniffed a stink bug And I've never painted daisies on a big, red rubber ball And I've never bathed in yogurt And I don't look good in leggings (you just don't get it!) And we've never been to Boston in the fall! Pass the chips Who's got the remote control? Here it is! Time for Geraldo! It's definitely time for Wapner Oh, I don't like this show Hey, look! I found a quarter!