Wolf Creek Pass

Me an' Earl was haulin' chickens On the flatbed out of Wiggins And we'd spent all night On the uphill side Of thirty-seven miles of Hell Called Wolf Creek Pass Which is up on the Great Divide We was settin' there suckin' toothpicks An' drinkin' Nehis and onion soup mix And I says: "Earl, let's mail a card to mother And then send them chickens On down to the other side Yeah, let's give 'em a ride" Wolf Creek Pass Way up on the Great Divide Truckin' on down the other side Well, Earl put down his bottle Mashed his foot down on the throttle And then a couple a boobs With a thousand cubes Within a nineteen-forty-eight Peterbilt Screamed to life We woke up the chickens We roared up offa that shoulder Sprayin' pine cones, rocks, and boulders And put four hundred head Of them Rhode Island Reds And a couple a' burnt-out roosters on the line Look out below 'Cause here we go! Wolf Creek Pass Way up on the Great Divide Truckin' on down the other side Well, we commenced ta truckin' And them hens commenced ta cluckin' And then Earl took out a match And scratched his pants And lit up the unused half of a dollar cigar And took a puff Says: "My, ain't this pretty up here?!" I says: "Earl, this hill can spill us You better slow down Or you gonna kill us" "Just make one mistake And it's the Pearly Gates For them eighty-five crates Of USDA-approved cluckers You wanna hit second?" Wolf Creek Pass Way up on the Great Divide Truckin' on down the other side Well, Earl grabbed on the shifter And he stabbed her into fifth gear And then the chromium-plated Fully-illuminated Genuine accessory shift knob Come right off in his hand I says: "You wanna screw that thing back on, Earl?" He was tryin' to thread it on there When the fire fell offa his cigar And dropped on down Sorta rolled around And then lit in the cuff of Earl's pants And burned a hole in his sock Yeah, sorta set him right on fire I looked on outta the window And I started countin' phone poles Goin' by at the rate of four to the seventh power Well I put two and two together And added twelve and carried five And come up with twenty-two thousand Telephone poles an hour I looked at Earl and his eyes was wide His lip was curled And his leg was fried And his hand was froze to the wheel Like a tongue to a sled In the middle of a blizzard I says: Earl, "I'm not the type to complain But the time has come for me to explain That if you don't apply some brake real soon They're gonna have to pick us up With a stick and a spoon" Well, Earl reared back And cocked his leg Stepped down as hard as he could on the brake And the pedal went clear to the floor And stayed right there on the floor And he says it was sorta like steppin' on a plum Well, from there on down It just wasn't real pretty It was hairpin county And switchback city One of 'em looked like a can fulla worms Another one looked like malaria germs Right in the middle of the whole damn show Was a real nice tunnel Now wouldn't you know? Sign says clearance to the twelve-foot line But the chickens was stacked to thirteen-nine Well we shot that tunnel at a hundred-and-ten Like gas through a funnel and eggs through a hen We took that top row of chickens off Slicker than scum off a Louisiana swamp Went down and around and around and down We run outta ground at the edge of town Bashed into the side of a feed store In downtown Pagosa Springs Wolf Creek Pass Way up on the Great Divide Truckin' on down the other side Wolf Creek Pass Way up on the Great Divide Truckin' on down the other side